Would you rather Do or Wait?

Sometimes I wonder why most of us, women rely on men to do things for themselves. We would rather talk about the unattended matters and get mad about it than fix it by ourselves. We usually hear about the broken toilet seat , clogged sink, the bills that has to pay, the curtain that need to remove and so on. Wouldn’t it be better to try to learn to do things even after failing for the third or fourth attempt?! By doing things on our own does not make us any less attractive or even masculine. Rather it would only give you the peace of mind, a sense of happiness and achievement and pride.

In general most men like women who are weak and dependent on them. It is quite obvious that they pretend to treat them like precious and fragile even though they sometimes resent all our demands and get tired of flattering us. Secretly they tell themselves how foolish, childish, nagging and demanding we are and how easily they could manipulate us.

If you wish to get  pampered by men who think so little of you it is your choice to continue to nag for all the little things that matters in daily life. You either choose to be helpless and fragile queen of their heart by demoralising your own self or be ready to be treated as their male colleague because you are independent, self-sufficient and strong in character.

Duh! There it is!

When we were over excited about the ‘real democracy’ that was going to happen in Maldives, a dear friend , a foreigner, warned me, by saying “As long as religion and politics is not mixed  you guys  will be fine. But once the religious groups get involved in politics, it’s going to get ugly and hard for the people, the country’s economy and its development.” It’s proven true in just a short period of time.

It is alarming to see when certain people totally disregard the idea of any kind of tolerance. Is it our responsibility to force everyone to think, believe and do the same thing we do? Since when did it become the responsibility of any ordinary person to judge, to punish, to discriminate and humiliate someone based on just that reason? Is everyone who has a beard, wears a certain garment qualifies as the most pious person in our society now? Who is capable to judge that? Who gives that authority to ordinary people like you, to do so?

In the last few years the most important thing that matters in our society is the beard and the veil. When this two things are practiced the rest is supreme. Such ‘supreme’ beings usually would not own a Television in their homes. But the children and their parents can watch as much, from the ‘Box of Satan’ when they want, in their aunt’s or uncle’s apartment. Sounds cool or crazy? Some women, in TV and radio ban houses, at least get the luxury of having a telephone and even a mobile phone for their gossiping, back biting and scandalizing. It’s not transgression? When women have their bit of fun, if one may call it so, the husband’s could hunt for the perfect, naïve, innocent teenage bride, using his connections, even if he barely has enough to support his existing pregnant wife and children. When the marriage becomes final the wife embraces the teenage bride as her own sister. Cool way of following Sunnah?

Some men who have set very high standard for themselves being a ‘Great Muslim’ can take over a building’s terrace for goat farming while for the rest of the people it becomes an annoyance. The chance for others to enjoy the open space and view, and getting some fresh air is not even worth to consider. Not selfish at all? Is it living according to the real teachings of Islam? Perhaps the children, who live in such buildings would appreciate the goat farming more, than having the space for them to run around, to ride their bikes and play ball.

The person who prays his five obligatory prayers on time, every day, where ever he/she is, reads Quran couple of times a week, who is more helpful and caring to his/her old parents, schedules time to visit and stay in touch with siblings and relatives, acknowledges neighbours, BUT DO NOT have a beard or have that same sense of fashion in dressing from head to toe, in all black costume, is surely a Kafir?

Some of the so-called ‘un-Islamic’ parents who have children, who can pray properly and is effortless in reading some chapters of Quran at the young, age of four or five is raising a Kaafir as well? They are brand  as Kafir because they were  expose to media, games, music and sports in an effort to improve their cognitive learning skills and social interactions?!

Some of the parents who were branded as authentic, rightful people, who fear God in every way, believed as the best role models, failed to carry out the same with their children. Why? Because educating children is evil?

Some of the so-called ‘good Muslim families’ do not instil good behaviour, hygiene, education, daily religious practices to their children. What is offered and enforced are young girls to wear veil at the age of six or seven. Children of both sexes are deprive of watching TV, playing games or gaining any other form of education besides religious teachings in theory. The trouble is inevitable when we are uneducated, not exposed and the right to have knowledge is denied about many topics, including teachings of other faiths and beliefs. It is the ignorant that can easily be persuaded to believe and to take extreme actions in the name of what ever ideologies they believe in. Our children, teenagers and adults would never be able to challenge, to think critically, to analyse and judge anything if they are always controlled and kept inside a ‘safe place’ where you think is best.

Now the main concern and the campaign seems to be all women must wear veil. That extra piece of clothe on a woman’s head and the length of one’s beard is the most important issue to our society. Some people live in fear of what someone may think about his/her belief and reasoning about issues like religion. Some of us wear veil just to ‘fit’ in.

The ‘scholars’ preach to create hatred towards fellow citizens who has different opinions, way of life and beliefs. It is lead to believe that just one particular group is superior beings, the rightful ones and only they deserve to be the citizen’s of the country. The rest are evil, to burn in Hell and unqualified to be even a Maldivian citizen. It just does not seem wrong at all, to kindle the flame of hatred in the society in the name of showing the ‘right path’ to the people.

The preachings contradicts about the strong belief, that all Muslims have in their faith, that it is a personnel matter between a person and God, and it is God who will punish and forgive the individual according to the deeds is something alien now. What the religion Islam actually teaches about peace, tolerance and humanity, that it is an example to humanity for all times does not seem very real when we listened to this new preachers.

Instead what we see, hear and experience is quite contradicting. We are experiencing and witnessing the insecurities within them, the fearful state they are in, how unsure they are about their beliefs and intelligence, how threatening they think others might become for their teachings. If it is not so, there is no reason to block websites, overreact to a video clip, be terrified about an article, a speech or a book. The issue would have not arisen in the first place if they are strong in their beliefs.

By taking extreme actions, they are fuelling an already grave situation. The popularity of a person or the group would certainly decrease and more people would start to despise and rebel their preachings and teachings if they continue to do it. In the end, it would not serve the purpose intended and more rifts would occur in such a small society. Instead of negative, harsh measures positive and more tolerant means shall  be established to minimise the hatred among people about religion and the way it is embrace among us.

Text Messages and Women’s Day??!!

I just realised its Women’s Day when I started to receive various text messages circulating around. Since the mobile phones started to rule our lives, in every such occasion one would get a lot of forwarded text messages which is very artificial in its nature. This is one among many messages I received today. “A woman has strengths that amaze men. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when she feels like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying, cries when she’s happy and laughs when she’s afraid. Her love is unconditional. Happy women’s day!”

Nothing is wrong in sending a text message as long as it is really genuine, if it is the heartfelt words originating from the sender to the recipient. But I feel the above message is phoney encouraging me and may be many others to be fake in some ways. I wonder what else we Maldivian women do to celebrate Women’s Day, besides forwarding text messages to one another.

Women’s day or not I feel we should be taking time off for ourselves to think and reflect on our lives. We should be listening to the inner voice that we have suppressed so cleverly and continue to ignore. We should be focusing on ways that would empower us. We should be proud of our achievements and be ready to change ourselves for a better tomorrow. Unless we are able to do so, we would be living our life in a woven web of lies, deceiving ourselves to please others. We should not let others corrupt our mind, dictate our life and be forced into things that we don’t want to be a part of.

The amount of brainwashing going on now days is something that has to be stopped urgently. The idea that girls need not to be educated or work is ridiculous. The increasing  number of teenagers falling into the trap of ‘forced’ or ‘arranged’ marriages to ‘pious’ old men in our society is absolutely disgusting. How can it be the only way to save young girls and women from ‘sinning’ or finding suitable, good husbands for them? Girls and women are not brainless baby producing human machines. They are no one’s slaves or prisoners. They have a right to be educated, to gain knowledge, to earn an income and to decide things for themselves. By denying those rights and forcing a life style they despise is not about protecting women it is controlling their life.

It is sad to see some women in our society who are educated literally, yet ‘uneducated’ about the challenges they face in bringing up their children in this century. It is frustrating to see those women who are modern and smart with their superficial looks, but so fragile inside; and to stand up for their rights and defend themselves from unfair advantages.  It is shocking to see those women who are university graduates, smoking around their young children, feeding them ready-made junk food, noodles and chocolates, seven days a week because they eat that ‘more easily.’ It is astonishing to see that one would dump a guy with great personality just because she feels the others would say the guy is too short, too fair, too dark, too thin or less educated for her. It is maddening to see women who are inflicting so much pain on themselves by doing drugs and having random sex with whatever ‘monster’ who cross their path.

It is pleasing to know that there are some strong-willed women who are intelligent and brave regardless of their educational or family backgrounds. They raise their children by being good role models. They encourage and support their children’s creativity, educate them and in-stil good values and disciplines so they would grow up to be responsible, humane, tolerant adults. If we want to have a better society we should be following the footsteps of such women.

Unfortunately, today everything is changing. Now formal and informal learning for girls is discouraged and stopped in some families. It is alarming to see the increasing number of young parents in their teens and twenties with more than one child, unable to manage the challenges they face physically and mentally. The result is obvious for all to see, malnutrition and neglected children who are confused and lost.  More such families live in dire poverty so it is not surprising to see how easy it is for others to manipulate their thoughts.

All this reminds me of the book “A Thousand Splendid Suns” from the author Khalid Hosseini, where he describes the place of Afghan women in their society over a period of fourty years and how it changed over the years. I am trouble about the fact that few Maldivian teenage girls are in the same situation as the characters in the novel. Those few may become thousands in no time and then we would be doomed to another situation than the current problem of drug addicts and gang fights.

Humans

Humans in general are interesting subjects to see. It goes beyond their physical features, race or their faith. The way they dress or what they own. The family they belong or their social status in the society.

Human character is very complex to understand. Some of the characteristics in humans have a great influence of what they were expose to in their environment. Their childhood experiences, exposure, education and the values they believe in, shapes up their character. Their present is link with the past and its significance play a role in their character. We find people who are genuine while the others are bogus. Some are candid while others are sly. Some are resentful and some are content about their life.

People change their character and attitude over time. Several people try to break free from their unpleasant past and previous habits. They move on with life, growing up every day in a new sense that is beneficial to them. However, some fail to comprehend what is best and waste their precious time to change for better. The latter group is stucked in the process of learning for a better future. They stay pessimistic and the approach towards life becomes negative. Their minds become hazy and are unable to distinguish right from wrong. They involve themselves in immoral activities to seek pleasure. They refused to focus on reality, instead believe in fantasy. They isolate themselves and live a miserable life. They hurt those who care and love them. If they could change all their negative energy into positive energy, they could become better human beings. They would have better opportunities and they could change our society.